Being Lonely
by Baby.Whisperer
Summary: We only have one heart right? The one and only. So what if that heart get hurt? By someone that we love most? Can we fix and heal it without leave any scar? continuation of season 9 finale (my version)
1. Chapter 1

Two months after the storm…

Arizona sat alone in the middle of couch in her new empty living room, felt a little bit dizzy after consume some alcohol as an effort to endure some ache in her heart. She stared at a pile of pillow on the side of couch which already be her company to sleep for this two months. In this new apartement, she is not ready to fall asleep in her new bedroom, not sure if she will ever be ready to be hugged by loneliness and hold by heartbreak ache.

What did I do to deserve this ?

That question recently playing in her mind over and over again. She used to a good person, a doctor who help many tiny humans, a good wife and a good mom. Eventhough Arizona is not a religious person, but somehow she believed in Karma, a part of her mind aware there is Cause and Effect Law in this universe. This is the same question in her mind when she yelled to Karev after the plane crash.

"Why this is happening to me, not to someone like you"

After plane crash, she is a mess, she messed up every good things in her life. She hurt her Calliope, the love of her life, just because she want to payback the hurt of Callie cause of her decision to cut off her leg. And the payback is bitch with the form of infidelity. Arizona cheated on Callie with Lauren, someone she barely know. Trust in this marriage already broken since she cannot to forgive Callie to cut her leg off. Maybe that's why she deserve this pain, pain in her loss limb and her heart.

When she asked Callie to marry her, she never has any intention to hurt her.

" I love you, more than anything, more than anyone"

"But I want more, I want commitment, I want ring, so marry me"

However since plane crash, Arizona always hurting Callie, yell at her, treat her like a bad guy for her loss. She didn't remember her marriage vows and her promise to Mark to take care their girls.

And she just wonder, how to fix everything that already broken?

Right now, she is lonely, in her new empty apartement and afraid to sleep in her bedroom. No Calliope, No Sofia, No her Family.

Arizona with her ownself, being lonely


	2. Chapter 2

_We only have one heart right?_

_The one and only _

_So what if that heart get hurt?_

_By someone that we love most?_

_Can we fix and heal it without leave any scar?_

2 Months after the storm, after the night she found out about Arizona's infidelity, Callie is trying her best to be strong, not just for her ownself, but also for Sofia, her loving daughter who already lost her father in a plane crash. The 3 years old toddler will never remember about her father's face, voice, laugh, story, cares and kisses.

Callie is now her only parent, things with Arizona still not settle yet about separation and Arizona's time with Sofia. She is still need time to processing, what the best for her, Sofia and Arizona. She needs time and space to understand what happened with her life, her marriage and her family.

And here she is, with the only one person who can makes her smile and happy again, Sofia. Callie sit in the chair, held a book story in the side of Sofia's bed to prepare her little miss to her journey in dream land. Sofia love hear voice when she read her a story, that calm her, Arizona once ever told her that Callie's voice is like Angel's voice, that voice is Calliope's superpower beside her shining smile.

Tonight she will read a new story to Sofia, story from India, RAMA and SHINTA love story. This book just came today in her office, sent by Sunder, her former patient with polio case that she promised to him that she can makes him walk and she did it successfully. Sunder always feel grateful for her work and today he inform her that he is not just able to walk right now, he also start to running with the leg that Callie fix.

"Mommy,mommy, read me a story, story you promised me"

"Alright, alright, sweetheart.. I'll always keep my promise, you know it right", Callie start to open first page of the book and start reading, on the other side, a pair of eyes of little body shines happily to hear her mommy's voice and listen a new story that she can't understand yet.

_Once upon a time, there was a handsome prince from Kosala kingdom. He was a very good looking young man who smart, genius even and don't ask about his personality, Rama was a dream prince for every young lady._

_And there was Princess Shinta from Wideha Kingdom, the daughter's king. Her quality as a person and princess was really great, she was smart, good attitude. She taught to be honorable, caring and loving to others. Everybody in and outside of kingdom fel enchanted even by just hear the story about her beauty._

_Both of them seemed like destined to be together, RAMA – SHINTA, and they have an eternity love story._

"You know, sweetheart, how that two meet each other? No, of course they didn't meet like ordinary couple. If their story is ordinary, of course you will not hear this story right now, love. Their story is special" –same like your momma and mommy

"Hmm, I know it mommy, just keep reading pleeease"

"Alright then….

_That handsome young man, Rama, was in dangerous mission, he ordered by the King of Kosala to murder and destroy the Giants in forest who scary people in his kingdom. And at that time, he heard about a competition that held by King Wideha for all princes in INDIA. The winner of this competition will marry with his beautiful daughter, Princess Shinta, that he tought ready to get married with the best prince in INDIA. And because of that Big News, all kingdoms send their best princes to Wideha._

_" You have to be there in that competition, brother" Laksamana, Rama's brother who accompanying him in this mission keep convincing him to try the competition._

_"Don't say that you want me to met my wife from a competition? It obviously not a great beginning for a true love story, there will no author will write it" Rama shake his head._

_ " At least, you can try to see the princess first. From what I heard,she is really pretty..After you see her, then you can decide that will be an author will write a story from competition or not?"_

_Laksamana is still have ammunition to keep convince his brother._

_Rama look at his brother, disbelief that in the middle of mission to killing the GIANTS, they have a conversation about stupid competition._

_"Come on, no harm to try, right? Laksamana laugh._

_Okay, I will prove all of bullshit about that beauty princess on my own, Rama sighed and then he saved his bow and arrow in his back. Forget for a while about his mission and leave to a new direction, to capital of Wideha Kingdom._

Sofia, sweetheart, if you want to know what is love at the first sight, you can ask to Rama and Shinta (or you can ask to me too)

_When all of princes in INDIA gathered in city hall of Wadeha, Rama who came late entered the wrong room. The mistake who ignite the flame of new feeling. How can he is not enchanted by this beauty creature. The talk is true, everything that he ever heard is true, this beauty is really exist. And then he become more interested to this girl when she help the maid who unintentionallydrop a basket of fruit._

_"Please don't scared and don't worried, I know you didn't drop it in purpose" The angelic voice of that girl calmed the maid. She bend while helping to pick up fruit that spread on the floor, really don't mind about dirt stick in her clothes _

_"I'm really sorry, your majesty" the maid felt guilt, how come a princess whose today held a competition to find a husband, right now with her helping her fix the mess._

_Rama while watched every scene of the helpful princess, grab Laksamana's arm and whisper to his brother _

_" Who is that girl"_

_Shinta finally realized somebody watched her and the maid surprised and screamed about men enter the special building for women._

_"We're so sorry" Rama raised his hand and realized about his mistake." We entered the wrong room"._

_That was their first meeting. The awkward conversation, stammered, and embarrassing but left impression in their heart. _

_You know sweetheart, the competition is easy but also complicated. Easy, because all of contestant didn't ask to shot or kill Giants. They didn't ask to fight each other. No physical contact. They only asked to draw back a bow, heritage of Wideha kingdom. That's the complicated part, the bow is not an ordinary bow, the bow is owned by Siwa God to Earth's people. Don't think to pull bowstring, to pick up the bow not everybody can do that._

_You're right sweetheart, Callie's laughed. Callie stroked the black hair of Sofia who already start to yawn. Of course Rama won that competition._

_But don't ever forget the importan question, if all princes can't pull the bowstring, why prince Rama can? Your mommy really don't know what kind of strength that makes him able to pull that bowstring._

_Rama is a very good knight, He is known to his ability to destroyed and killed many of giants in that age, but it still a bow that owned by Siwa God – the most powerful weapon in INDIA land. If one arrow drop/touch to the earth, the earth will be split like an orange splitted by knife. I still don't know what kind of power that he has, probably the power of love _

After reading that part, Callie realized her Little Miss already fall asleep. She stared longingly to her baby.

"You know I love you, sweetheart? You're the only one I have right now"

"Sofia, sweetheart, your momma and I have a great love story too. I always want to tell you about this story, not right now because you still hard to understand anything, but I know you love to hear me. Our story similar like RAMA and SHINTA, our story start with what people talk and love at the first sight, at least I've already hooked at her in the first time we met".

I was a heartbroken girl after someone left me in the car park and never came back. I used to walk tall in around of hospital, but after 2 disasters personal life that happened to me make me feel short. And at that time, there was a young blonde pretty intern who I noticed made a move to me by flirting a lot but I was scared to try again, I was not ready for another drama or another personal disaster. I was blamed my self for what happened to me, I felt there was something wrong with me that made people always left my side. And that intern stop trying to get me because I never gave her a chance and she resigned from internship program.

You know sweetheart, at that moment, I only have one person who I always there for me, to support me, my bestfriend and your father,Mark, about my devastating feeling about this chaos at every my relationship, he told me this

"You fought, You love, You lost, Walk tall Torres"

After that, I tried my best to walk tall and not care about what people talk.

Sofia, my Little Miss, you know that I always describe my self as a bad ass, a goddess ortho surgeon who really felt annoyed with a perky person. Butr there was the first time I heard about this new attending in peds. I didn't met her yet, Aunt Bailey was in really bad mood after met with this new girl. You remember aunt Bailey? You right, that silly question. Alright, Bailey ever slightly told me about this new peds attending who replace . In Bailey's opinion, this person was annoyingly perky, wear heelys at work and already try to change treatment plan to a patient that Bailey really care about at first time she met with Bailey. She was really mad, and questioning the capability of this new girl. I was just laugh ,

"seriously, how could a doctor like her exist"

I also know about what love at the first sight mean sweetheart, believe me I really know.

I was at Joe's bar, still drown with miseable feeling of celibacy, and after I heard things what Lexy said about her relationship with Sloan. I couldn't stand to hear anything about together people, because here I was a celibate person, the emptiness and loneliness and how bad that misery begin to flood in form of tears in my eyes, and I immediately excuse my self to a dirty bar bathroom, trying to wipe my tears, and get my self together again.

And you know sweetheart, at this very moment, this story began. The door behind me opened, at first I didn't really care after I heard someone talked.

"Hi, ortho right?"

" I'm Arizona Robbins, peds surgery"

"For sake of being honest, I know things about you because people talk"

"The talk is good, they concern, they interested,they like you, some of them really like you"

"If you stop being upset, there will people lining up for you"

"Can you give me some name", I start to smile when I found she was adorable, cute and care to a stranger who cry in a dirty bar bathroom.

Sweetheart, she didn't answer my question, she take a step closer to me, and I felt her hand cupped my face and leaned a kiss on my lips. A light kiss, only 2 lips touched for 1 second, as an introduction as the owner of the sweet lips ready to be number one in the line.

" I think you'll know"

This is the exact moment I hooked by her

* * *

**Hai everyone, this is my first fanfic ever so please be easy with me, okay ****J**** . I'm not living in USA or western country so I really don't know anything about dating,love and relationship at western culture eventhough I watch a lot about that on TV ( You must be noted about my imperfect English). And then about Rama and Shinta, yeah that was just part of me to introduce you this story, did you ever heard about it before? This story really great and teach us about commitment and trust (at this chapter just the beginning), I think this is a good thing to came with this new style, and I will continue with Rama-Shinta thing at least for Callie part since she is the one who read this book from Sunder. Maybe most of you a little bit confused about Callie POV and Arizona POV, but I have a plan for this story, please just believe me. Thanks a lot for reading this.**


	3. Chapter 3

_We all are students in this university of life._

_But we don't have any guidance to play our role_

_So we have to figure out by our own_

_There is an easy way , we can learn from others' experience_

_But sometimes we are having a hard time to understand _

_Because at some point, we become ignorant and stop to learn anything_

_Until one day Life have to throw things in our own face and slap us to a reality_

_And then we realized and understand the lessons _

_This understanding help us to build new perspective about our life_

_Open our eyes and help us to find a way to be a better person_

* * *

"Apparently I lost you" , Callie said with the most devastating emotion written in her face

Arizona sighed, the hurt in the look of Callie gave her felt like a stab in her heart, too painful to see, that's all caused by her. She look away and stared at the floor, as if something interested in there.

"I'm so sorry… after this storm is over, I will go to Archfield and stay there for few days. I will give you space and time, until you and me ready, we can talk again "

That was the exact moment, when she walked away from that room, she destroyed the important things in her life, her family.

One night at Archfield become 2 nights and then a week. She tried to talked to Callie and she said she is not ready yet to talk, and Callie was only gave her chance to see Sofia at Day Care. Callie said when she is ready to talk, they will discuss what better for herself, for Arizona, and for Sofia.

This is a real thing, the separation really happen and she needs to find her own place. After 2 weeks stay in Archfield, she move to this new empty apartement with her new company of loneliness and emptiness.

* * *

Arizona realized that she need help, the professional help, after her last fight with Callie in that stormy night. She never thought that she can do this horrible things to a person she loves most, her Calliope.

"I need help, just help me to be a person I used to be"

That was the first word she said to her therapist, a lady around 50 who looked at her with a caring look, like her mother but different, because this lady is a professional, and can offer her help that she needed.

"Tell me Arizona, what kind of person you used to be?", the therapist start her first session

"Certainly not a person you see right now, I used to be a fixer, I love to fix things, but right now I'm broken and I need help to fix my self, to be okay again"

"And what do you feel right now, what makes you decide you need help and feel you are not okay? I will not judge you, there is no right and wrong in this room, I just want to know your story to find the root cause and help you. If you still uncomfortable to tell me the hard part, you can skip that, just tell me what you want to tell me, okay?

"Okay", Arizona nodded and take a deep breath before start her story.

Arizona told her therapist about her life before plane crash, how happy she was with Callie and Sofia, even at that time Mark still around. She ever wished that Mark will be out of her life and Callie, and when her wish happened with plane crash tragedy, she really want to cancel that wish and back again to her old life with Mark in it. She was trying to tell the therapist about 4 days in the wood, but she can't make words until something out of her mouth that she didn't even realize that was her own voice.

"Mark was dying in my arm and told me that he will die to be with Lexie and he should tell Lexie sooner that he loves her. I told him that he will not die, and we will back home to Callie and Sofia but he kept dying and then he made me promise to take care our girls. He was so in pain even makes me forget about my own pain"

"I thought when the rescue team finally came, I will be back to my own life. Mark will live and healed, and also my leg can and would healed eventough the bone already stick out, because my wife is a goddess ortho surgeon, she built leg from nothing. I believe that she can fix my leg. I really believe my old life will back and apparently I was wrong"

Her blue eyes start glassy and her voice broke,

"I will never back to my old life, I lost everything, I lost Mark, I lost the leg. Someone that I trust more than anything, more than anyone decide to cut it off, and right now I lost my wife too."

Arizona watched the therapist write something in her note while listen to her story, this is the first time she told someone about what happened in the woods except Callie when their fighting. She take another deep breath and close her eyes to calm herself.

There was silence in a few moments, only a sound of pen and paper from theraphist in front of her. And when Arizona opened her eyes, she felt ready to do anything to make her better.

"Arizona, so far from what I heard from your story, I learned that you are not yet accepted what happen to you. You have to through your own process to accept things and make peace with your anger, your lost, and that's surely not gonna happen with your own".

"I have some homework for you, I recommend you start to walking every morning regularly or do some exercise, that will help you to get out the anger and also give you a chance to meet new people, people who didn't know you before, I hope that will help you to accept your life right now"

* * *

Morning used to her favorite time of the day since she was a kid, the first light in the morning that wake her up always used to help her smile, because this is another day to be grateful for health, good life, she always found something to thank for everyday. And she start to hate morning time since plane crash, she felt no more good things to be thank for, morning become the beginning of another long day to pretend that she was fine, she was back to her normal being a great surgeon, a good wife and super mom, when her actual feeling was she not okay because she was not a whole person, she only has one leg.

But here she is, walking in the park, trying her best to follow order from her therapist. She already finished 1 round walking in the park alone while listen to her ipod. When she saw a bench on the other side of the park which full of children's laughter, she sat there to take a rest for her leg and watched children running, playing, laughing. There was so much happiness here, she really want to felt that feeling again.

And when her eyes caught a appearance of a kid, she hold her breath. What is it called? Moment when your eyes finally opened? When you start understand your lesson even just a little that your misery will endure slowly when you learn others misery.

In this exact moment, she stared to a boy, around 11, a small African-american kid with glasses who chase a ball with a slowly step and slight limp at his every step. That boy caught her staring and smile with the happy biggest smile she saw in a long time. The boy came to her direction after pick up the ball and held it.

"Good Morning, Ma'am, hope you have a good day. I noticed that we have the same robot leg", still wear his biggest smile, he offered her hand to Arizona.

"My name is Wallace, Wallace Anderson"

* * *

**My favourite episode of GA is Invested in Love (S06e08), that's why Wallace here, because I love him..**


	4. Chapter 4

_In life,only one thing is certain..._

_Apart from death and taxes..._

_No matter how hard you try,_

_No matter how good your intentions,_

_You are going to make mistakes._

_You're going to hurt people._

_You're going to get hurt._

_And if you ever want to recover..._

_There's really only one thing you can say._

_I forgive you_

_When someone hurts us..._

_We want to hurt them back._

_When someone wrongs , we want to be right. _

_Without forgiveness,old scores are never settled... _

_Old wounds never heal. _

_And the most we can hope for is _

_that one day we'll be lucky enough to forget. (Grey's Anatomy s04e04 The matter of Heart)  
_

* * *

Callie used to love the night time. Night was her favorite time of 24 hours in a day. Yeah, she was definitely opposite of Arizona who loved morning the most. She had her own reason, not just because she really enjoying her sleep, but also there were things happened at night that never fails to make her smile, little things that warm her heart. Things were like coming home from work with holding her wife's hand or dinner time with her family or making love with her wife while sharing story about neck, leg or hand she saved that day, or watching her wife sleep peacefully in her arms. She used to love the night time but she is not sure anymore since plane crash. Since that, her nights filled with nightmares about Mark, her deceased best friend, and mostly about her fears to losing Arizona, her wife. However, in this 2 months 11 nights, her nightmares always about the confrontation in a certain lounge room.

"I thought... I thought we were past the hard stuff."

"I thought... I thought we were finally good."

"_We were. We... we are."_

"We're married!"

" _I know"_

"We... God, we have a child!"

"_I know!"_

"How could you do this?"

"_I don't know, except I did_."

"After all that's happened this year, everything we've been through, everything we've survived... the bankruptcy, Mark, the plane..."

"_Oh, you weren't on the plane, Callie! You weren't in the woods, and you did not hear Meredith crying for Lexie and Mark moaning in pain or hearing me scream in pain. You weren't there, and you keep acting like you were, but you weren't, and it wasn't your experience!"_

"I lost Mark. You almost died. You..."

_"I lost Mark. You almost died. You weren't on the freaking plane!"_

"_You want it? The street cred? The badge of honor? The warrior wounds? Then great. Stick out your leg, and I will go grab a bone saw,and let's even the score!"_

"It always comes back to the leg."

"_I trusted you, more than anything, more than anyone... in my life. And you decided to cut it off."_

To save your life!

_You didn't lose anything!_

_I did! I did._

Apparently, I lost you."

* * *

Although that words keep playing in her mind over and over again , but Callie decides to stop, stop to listen every word that was shouted that night, stop being friend with grief, heartbreak, and emotionally exhausting that had been burdening her heart and mind. Callie decides to stop to reposition itself as a victim, she is not a victim of Arizona's infidelity, she is not a victim of Arizona's pretense that made her assumed that their life back to normal, their marriage finally reconnected and recovered. She is definitely not a victim of Arizona's pretense to forgave her to cut her leg off.

This is the second time, her spouse cheated on her. She remembered the night when George told her that he slept with Izzy, she processed that information in silent, no movement, no words and no sleep in a whole night. And when the morning came, she remembered saying some words.

"_Callie. you haven't said anything in...in... just say something. Please…"_

"I forgive you."

"_What?"_

"You made a mistake, but we took vows. Till death do us a part, so…. I forgive you"

She also remembered that she didn't meant those words, she realized that later when she almost came to blows with a man who she believed caused his malnourished girlfriend's death. She knew her meltdown was really about her troubles with George, who she obviously did not forgive.

"_Callie... you can't...just forgive me. What I did to you...is unforgivable."_

"That's how it 's what "I forgive you" means".

"_No,see,I...I think it means you don't forgive me…you don't know how to talk to me right noW._

_I mean,look,you don't...you can't even look at 're so angry that...I think the only way you can deal with me is to say you forgive me and... what,we pretend it didn't happen? it happened. And you don't forgive me"._

"You're right, I don't".

Later, at the other night, she decided to end their marriage by letting go George

"I can't spend every moment of every day hating you, George. I'm letting go. I have to let go".

* * *

Callie used to love the night time, and part of her still love it. Especially when bed time came for Sofia and her little angel ask her to read a story. That is definitely her favorite moment in 24 hours, that is definitely a piece happiness remained in her life right now. Just watching her loving daughter smiling and her little brown eyes shining everytime she start telling her a story, that's all enough to give her strength to passing another nightmare.

And here she is, continue reading story of Rama and Shinta to Sofia..

_Sofia__, sweetheart, __Rama __managed to __win __the competition__, __and hey, look at Shinta,__who was sitting next__ to the __throne of Wideha King__, __blushed __and __cheered happily__ for Rama's victory._

_They were destined to be together__, __the contest __has ended__. The wedding __between __Rama __and __Shinta __established immediately__. After the __wedding__, __the young couple__re turned __to __Ayodya__, __the capital of __the Kosala kingdom__. __King__ of __Kosala remarkably __pleased __after seeing __his son__ married __a beautiful angel__. __The __old man, Kosala King__, __even __going to __appoint __Rama __as a king__. Everything seemed perfect, t__he future of Kosala kingdom __will be __glorious__ i__n __the __hands of __his eldest son__._

_But there __was someone who __not __happy__with __the plan__, __Rama__'s stepmother, __the young __wife of __Kosala King.__ She thought that __his son__, __Barata__, __had more right __to be the King than Rama__. __Unfortunate fate __befall to __the young couple__. __Through __a __cunning __intrigue__, __Rama __and __Shinta __actually __expelled __from __Ayodya__. __They were __thrown __into __the jungle __for 14 __years__. __Barata__, Rama's __half brother was chosen __to __ascend __the throne__. __King of Kosala __who regretted __the situation __died __in__ a long __grief. __What did Shinta do when all bad things happen__, __Sofia__? __She stayed at Rama's side, she didn't leave__. __Instead, she __steeled__ her __heart__, __affirmed her love__, and __leave__ with Rama, who is wasted of __all __honor__. __For __Shinta __all __matters are simple__, wherever __Rama __goes__, s__he __will __continue to __serve at his side__. __That __was her way to proof her love to Rama__. __Then __finally Rama __and __Shinta left Kosala kingdom__, __accompanied by __Laksamana who __since childhood __had always __with him._

Sofia, sweetheart, you know that I always thought me and your momma were meant to be, meant for each other. She never left my side, for me, she was like Shinta for Rama.

There was a time, when bad things happened in my life sequentially, it was begin with my own family disowned me for being with a woman, your momma. And then continue with George's death, yeah my ex-husband, sweetheart, and to make it more perfect, I also lost my job. But your momma always be there to support me, help me through crisis after crisis.

We also through some breaks in our relationship, yeah you're right, that was about baby and Africa, the reason you are here right now. But we can't stay away from each other, we failed to be not together, and your momma decide to compromise and change to be with me. The biggest compromise in her life where she decide to be with me, to wanted and loved a child who not related with her in flesh and blood. She really loved me that much, I can't even imagine someone still want to be with her ex-girlfriend when she / he found out about her girlfriend got pregnant with other person. But she was proved her self to me that she really wanted to be with me, she really committed in this.

"I Love you and You love me, none the rest of it matters",

For her, all matters were simple, as long we love each other.. But sweetheart, you know I still had a doubt for her. I never found someone who loved and wanted me so much before. You know it that I've always the one who burnt and got hurt of disaster relationship. But I didn't keep my doubt any longer, after the car accident, she always there, she was the one who saved you and she never left my side, not once.

For me, she was like Shinta for Rama. All matters are simple, wherever I go, she will continue to serve at my side. Sofia, sweetheart, what do you think I suppose to do now? Should I be Shinta for her right now? To keep stay in her side like I promised to her, or should I leave her and letting her go like I did to George?

* * *

**English is not my first language and I don't use Beta (still not understand to use it), all mistakes are mine...**


End file.
